Divorce can be a devastating experience for anyone. It can feel like the death of a dream: the relationship and family future you envisioned for your life feels like it’s being taken from you.

I certainly felt that way during my divorce, but here’s another (unexpected) thing I learned from my divorce, especially if you have assets or a business:

A divorce can actually feel like the death of two dreams.

Sure, you have one side that is extremely painful and personal. But on the other side, you have your business, career, assets, and finances, all of which you’ve put years into as well, that can also die if you are not careful.

I know divorce is heart wrenching. It can feel like death. But if I could sit down with you face to face right now, I would plead with you: do not let your divorce be the death of your business or finances, too.

Do not let divorce take two dreams from you.

A Money & Mindset Journey

Divorce is both a mindset journey and a money journey. You must have both money and mindset intact. Notice I did not say that your heart must be intact! Regardless of who did what in your situation, divorce is hard on the heart.

Give yourself the time to heal. I promise that there is much more to life than divorce, and much more to life after it. I also know the pain is real, but here’s one thing a friend told me about divorce:

“You can’t cry out your intelligence.”

Tears, pain, and heartache do not mean that your brain doesn’t work anymore. There are clear and actionable steps you can take to put one foot in front of the other.

It’s time to look at the future differently because going from being a duo to solo is scary. You need to make sure that you’re financially strong and have a plan for wealth management and cash management.

• What are you going to live on?
• Where are you going to live?
• What are those long term and short term benefits worth?

Make sure that everything is in order – from your insurances down to how you are going to support yourself and your children.

The Divorce Checklist

As a financial advisor I’ve worked with thousands of clients who have gone through divorce, and this is the exact action plan we use at the start of the process.

1. Before the divorce, make an inventory of your assets, property, and all retirement plans.
2. Get your credit history. You must know what loans you have co-signed.
3. Review your prenuptial agreement if you have one.
4. Review your property settlement.
5. Get sound legal advice, if needed, to negotiate child support or alimony.
6. Get sound tax advice. Divorce has major tax consequences for both spouses.
7. Check with the IRS to make sure all of your joint tax returns have been filed and that all taxes have been paid.
8. Consider purchasing a life insurance policy on your ex-spouse if you will be receiving alimony or child support.
9. Consider your health insurance needs and how to accommodate them.
10. Make a realistic budget. Apply for new credit cards and cancel your joint credit cards.
11. If you will be reinvesting a retirement plan distribution, have received financial assets as a result of a property settlement, or need a new insurance program, consider reviewing your situation with a financial management professional.

If you’d like a downloadable copy of this checklist for quick reference (this is a good idea) then simply click here and it will be emailed to you: marissanehlsen.com/divorce

Earlier I said that divorce is both a money and mindset journey. To go a bit deeper on that, at some point you must decide whether you are going to be a victim or a victor. I don’t mean that you “win” the divorce negotiation or division of assets, I am referring to your mindset.

I know there are real victims when a marriage falls apart. My ex-husband was having an affair, and yes –– it was incredibly hurtful. But I made a decision, to the best of my ability, to not let a divorce define me.

I also made a decision not to let that pain put me in a position where I would not be able to protect my business and assets. I had to secure the future for my family, but to do that required the presence of mind to do it.

Divorce forces you to grow.

If you’d like to hear me talk about my divorce story (it helps to know you’re not the only one going through this) you can check out my podcast episode here, free:

Are you past, present, or future focused?

This is an opportunity for new beginnings. Begin to think in the terms of you get a new fresh clean slate to design your dream life: the type of relationships you want, the bank account you want, the environment you want to be in. Be kind to yourself and try not to “eat an elephant” all in one day.

Focus on one small action that you can take daily to help you move forward. Maybe it’s downloading the divorce checklist and focusing on how you will rebuild your assets, take control of your wellness and health, or getting involved in the community and giving back.

Remember, where our focus goes our energy flows.

Eventually I learned to be grateful for my divorce.

• My emotional intelligence, physical well-being, and spirituality grew in leaps and bounds.
• I understood business in a way I never would have before.
• My company and properties were secured, and because of that they grew and allowed me to manage wealth, manage cash, and create a new future for myself and my kids.

If you have children, there is a time that comes when you have to love your kids more than you hate the situation. That in itself is something to be grateful for.

There is so much more to life than the divorce, my friend. It is an ugly process, but you can come out of this in a more beautiful state.